"What do you want from me Abba?"

I slumped down into my chair in a huff and cried out like a child, “What do you want from me Abba?” Without hesitation I clearly heard His reply, “Holiness Cindy - Self-denial.” “Oh, that’s all!” I thought.
Holiness, righteousness – these two words describe the goal we Christians have set for ourselves. But what does living a holy life really mean? What does it mean to be clothed in righteousness? To be called righteous? The two terms tend to turn people off. Why - because it involves “self-denial”. Self-denial is probably the most avoided subject in the life of a Christian. It goes against what is humanly natural – Self. Matthew 16:24 says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” These are the steps:
1. Deny self
2. Take up your cross &
3. Follow Christ
Now, with that in mind, how many are ready to self-deny, pick up their cross and follow Christ wherever He might lead? Any takers?? Why do we cringe at the thought of denying what we want, taking up the cross of Christ and doing whatever Christ asks us to do? Is it because we don’t want to give up what we want? Has anyone ever tried to literally pick up a wooden cross place in on their shoulder, splinters and all, and carry it willingly up a narrow, steep road? Do we not want to follow Christ because we are afraid of the unknown?
I am going to say yes to the first question, I don’t want to give up what I want in exchange for complete self-denial in service to Christ and to others. “That would be really hard to do Abba. I am a spoiled brat that doesn’t want to give up what I want” (that is what my brothers always told me). After 40 years on this earth am I still acting like a child and wanting my way? Ouch, that hurt. The truth usually does inflict pain. Question number two - I literally have not carried a splinter-filled cross up a narrow, steep road. That would also be very difficult to do. I might break a nail or get a splinter - Don’t think I want to do that. And question number three, am I afraid of the unknown? Yep, pretty much! Even though I say that I trust God and love him with all of my heart? Ouch, yet more truthful pain. This is why Holiness, self-denial is so very hard. It involves letting go of the controls and entrusting all that we are to God. Only through these acts can holiness and righteousness be accomplished in our lives.

The first step is admitting that we are selfish and that we need the help of the Holy Spirit to enable us to overcome the power of self and become more prone to deny what we want and serve God and others with our whole hearts. This step is a long process, yet God will be faithful to those of his children who are truly serious about denying self and become true servants of his.
The second step is to understand that life is not about what is most convenient, most comfortable, what requires less hassle, but rather to understand that life is all about Christ and being willing to take up His cross, His cause for the salvation of others. Just because we have received God’s grace and mercy doesn’t signify that the work is complete…just sit back and enjoy God’s blessings - Far from it. Christ’s life shows us that He came to work and work hard at teaching, loving and restoring the broken, the ignorant, the blind. Jesus gave up his throne in heaven and came to earth not to sit back and enjoy his own blessings, but to serve His cause - the salvation of His creation. If Jesus came to earth for this reason, how much more should we strive to fully grasp the reality that life is about Him and that we are to willingly take up the cross of Christ with enthusiasm and determination.

The third step involves entrusting all to God. Giving Him the unknown. Knowing, believing, that He is fully aware of the unknown. This step involves self- denial; doing as God wishes for us and not what we wish for ourselves. It involves willingness to go wherever God might ask us to go, and doing whatever God might ask us to do. It might involve loving the “unlovable” – those the world has deemed unlovable. It might involve moving to another country, and learning a new language and culture (like Romania). It will involve forgiving those who have wronged you and moving on in love and mercy. Following Christ involves doing what is far from the norm. We are to be different; to be merciful, selfless, humble, loving, caring, kind, patient, etc. Followers of Christ must be doers of His word – living examples of His word every moment of our lives.

“What do you want from me Abba?” “Cindy, my precious child, first of all I want you to deny yourself and serve me wholeheartedly. Secondly, I want you to be willing to pick up the cross and walk the narrow, steep road. And thirdly, I want you to follow my son Jesus. I am not giving you an impossible mission. What I am giving you is the answer to true freedom. Cling to me and what I want for you, because what I want to give you is what is best for you. Listen to my instruction, and I will lead you beside still waters and restore your soul. You will experience peace beyond all measure and you will be found faithful to my laws and decrees. This is what I define as holy and righteous. Follow me and I will take you places you cannot begin to imagine. I will reward your soul and refresh your spirit. Trust me - my love for you is pure and true.” I sat quietly and took in the moment I found myself in; sitting still before my most amazing God. Then I responded to him saying, “Abba, I want to learn to deny self, take up my cross and follow my Jesus. Help me my precious Lord. Help me to do it for your glory and purpose.” He replied, “I will my child, I will.”