A Simple Gesture

I walked into the small store and bought a bottle of water. On my way out I saw a young girl waiting for her coffee to exit the coffee machine. I reached out and patted her shoulder and smiled at her and went on my way. I climbed into the van and as I was shifting into gear the young lady passed by the van, turned, smiled and waved at me. I returned the wave and the smile. It warmed my heart. She said something that I couldn't hear, and then she turned around and walked over to the van. I rolled the window down and she began talking to me. I didn't get much of what she said. I told her that I only speak a little Romanian. She smiled. I touched her shoulder and wished her a good day. She wished me the same. As she walked away she turned once more and we exchanged smiles and waves again. I prayed for her as I drove home. Maybe I will see her again. Until then I will continue to pray for her. God knows her name. He knows where she lives and what she needs. I close my eyes and I see her precious little face. "Be with her Abba, comfort her I pray."

"Hello, can't you see me?"

I stopped by my favorite pastry shop for a few hot pretzels and an apple strudel. I was patiently waiting in line when to my right a woman and her husband came up and stood right next to me hedging their way to the side of the window. You see, for some reason some folks have a difficult time waiting their turn. Many times if you aren't paying attention someone will go right up to the side of the window and stick their head in and place their order. It amazes me! It is as if they don't see that there are people patiently waiting their turn. Well today, I knew what she was preparing to do. I have seen this maneuver many times and I have fallen prey to it as I wasn't standing close enough to the person in front of me (the physical closeness is rather uncomfortable for this North American). The folks in front of me completed their order and as they moved away she began to move in for the kill. I however, stepped right in front of her and I placed my order. My heart was pounding, and because of the adrenaline rush I think I ordered "Doi covergi fara sara" (2 pretzels without country) instead of "Doi covergi fara sare" (2 pretzels without salt). One letter makes a BIG difference. Anyway, what is ironic about this experience is that I had just had a conversation with myself (do you do that?) about trying to show something different with those I encounter. I will be honest and say that this type of disregard is a very difficult thing for me to just let happen (obviously!). I find it amazingly rude and I want to shout, "Hello…can't you see me standing here waiting my turn? Are you that much more important than the rest of the human race?" And, I will admit that this type of disregard doesn't endear me to the culture. I find it more difficult to experience warm fuzzies for folks who can't seem to act in a respectful way. God has been speaking to me about being vulnerable, about opening myself up to Himself and to others. I responded in a defensive way with the woman. I felt like I was on the basketball court again blocking out my opponent, trying to prevent her from scoring on me. I am learning that I need God's Holy presence in my life every second of every day. When left to myself, I don't show something different. I am realizing more and more that all of my encounters must be accompanied by the Holy Spirit - that I must be in constant communication with the One who is prefect and who wishes to work through me to show something different. I struggle daily with my human reactions. These reactions come so quickly and they are so natural. But, I know that God has more for me. I know that He can see me and that He is the only one who can transform me fully. I pray that step by step God will continue helping me realize that He is available 24/7. That by His power and grace something different can be shown - All for His glory and purpose.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability = is the susceptibility (an individual who is at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent) to physical or emotional injury or attack. It also means to have one's guard down, open to censure or criticism; assailable (to attack somebody vigorously with words or actions - to overwhelm the mind or senses of somebody) - (definitions taken from Wikipedia).

The challenge of vulnerability was introduced to me a few weeks ago at a marriage retreat. Jeff, one of our retreat speakers, spoke about being vulnerable to our partner. This was a new concept for me. To me the understanding of vulnerability is vastly different from my previous ideas of submission, humility, and unconditional service. I struggle with submission, humility and unconditional service. The thought of being susceptible to attack or letting my guard down is really not a concept that I want to think much about. But as I listened to what Jeff was saying, I heard God say, "Be vulnerable to me first and then I will help you understand to beauty of being vulnerable to others." WOW! what a thought - "The beauty of vulnerability." I love to define words, a deeper understanding of the word's meaning has always been helpful. The words vulnerability, susceptibility, infectious agents, criticism, etc. really don't fill me with a desire to let my guard down. These words create the opposite effect in me - "Get those shields up and be prepared to defend!" Unfortunately, these words do accurately describe what God's creation does to one another. This type of interaction must break His heart. But, I think God has another idea. When I think about being vulnerable to God I am not afraid because time and time again God has revealed to me just how much He loves me and that all that He has planned is for the good. Even though the process has been painful and challenging, I am so thankful that He, the God of all, longs to have a deep and profound relationship with me. Let's think about the word susceptible - it is defined as an individual being at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent. If we think about this concept in light of our relationship with God what might we see? God is all about love - God is love. So, as His child I am taking the risk of becoming infected or exposed to the infectious agent of God's love!? Interesting thought. If I become infected by the infectious agent of, oh let's say, the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - Galatians 5) will I suffer or be harmed in any way by these infectious agents? Just sit with that one for awhile...think and pray over that one.

Let's think about the word attack. Typically it has a negative meaning right? However, it can also mean working with enthusiasm, determination and vigor. Let's return to the image of God and His perfect being. There is no evil in Him, He is pure and Holy. He is love and all things good. What if we were to drop our shields and open our hearts fully, vulnerably to the One and Only who is perfect and who wants to give good gifts to His children. What would happen if we allowed the Holy Spirit to attack our entire being enthusiastically, with determination and vigor, allowing the Spirit to overwhelm our minds and our senses? What if…What would happen? Instead of becoming physically or mentally ill by the attack, we would be healed - We would not be harmed, but healed and made whole by His precious touch. Oh…just take a minute and let this concept of vulnerability soak into your mind and into your spirit. Try this, assume the position of the cross. Lie on the floor with your arms stretched out and your feet together. Close your eyes and think about the concepts I just mentioned above - being susceptible to the infectious agent of God's love, being vulnerable to an enthusiastic, determined, and vigorous attack by the Holy Spirit of God that overwhelms your mind and spirit, pleading for Him to enter into the abyss of your soul with His Holy light that heals and transforms. Praying for God to make it so in your life. Only the Holy Spirit can help us become fully vulnerable to His touch. Let's start the process today. May God touch us so profoundly that we can do nothing but lie before Him in a state of vulnerability - Entrusting fully to His care our past, present, and future - Entrusting fully into His hands our relationships and our lives. He, is the One and Only who can handle such vulnerability. He, is the One and Only who can lead us to the beauty of being vulnerable to others as we serve Him.

May God receive all the glory.

Freedom's Flight

Imagine yourself the last to be hatched, perched at the edge of the family nest, contemplating your first flight. Your wings feel quite small and your feathers are few. You begin to wonder how in the world you will fly with these small wings and few feathers. Instinctively, you leap off the nest and you soar (kind of) flapping your wings as hard as you can. You land with a bounce into a soft pile of leaves. You pop to your feet dusting yourself off and you think, "Not too bad for my first flight. Now, how will I get back to the nest?" As you begin your way back to the nest you get a better feel for your wings as you make short hops back home. Time passes, your falls to the ground become more controlled, and the duration of your flights to and from the nest begin to lengthen - your wings grow stronger with each flight. All the while, your parents watch from a distance as you grow stronger with each flight. They have been available to guide and encourage you as you began your journey, but they have afforded you the freedom to exercise your wings and to strengthen your confidence in your innate abilities to fly skillfully. Their hope for you is driven by their desire to watch you succeed on your own as you leap off the edge of the nest and soar with your wings fully developed and strong and with the knowledge that you have acquired with every solo flight. Now you are able to enjoy the deep satisfaction that comes from freedom's flight.

Animals are amazing. God placed within them an instinct that guides them at all times. Humans are amazing. God gave us a brain that enables us to think, process, contemplate. Most of the time our minds override our instinct to just act or respond. We think, process, contemplate, then we act. The picture that I painted above would be a really cool thing to experience. Imagine being able to leap out of the nest instinctively - without a thought - without a second of hesitation. To jump knowing that something inside you tells you that all is well, and that this experience will teach you how to soar. A bird was created to soar. It is something it really wants to do. Instinctively it leaps in order to soar. Do you think that God ever intended for us to soar, instinctively? Does He desire for us to respond to Him instinctively - without a thought, without hesitation? Oh, you bet your boots He does! Easier said than done? You bet your boots! Why? Does it have anything to do with the "free will thing"? You know the reality that it is our choice to leap and soar instinctively or to perch ourselves at the edge of the nest and swing our feet back and forth contemplating what it would be like to actually fly - to take flight and sail on the wind. You have your wings, feathers, and you are mechanically built to fly - but instead you sit and you think, process, contemplate all of the things that could go wrong. You worry about what might happen to you and if the experience will be uncomfortable. Instinct can also be called faith. What would your life be like if you instinctively leapt when God gave you the opportunity to soar with your wings of faith? I fear that we have missed more opportunities to soar than we realize - held back by the power of fear and doubt. Faith must become instinctive in the life of a Christian if we desire to soar - to be free of the limitation that we place on ourselves and the limitations that we foolishly place on God. Instinct = a powerful impulse that feels natural rather than reasoned (Encarta Dictionary). Faith must become a powerful impulse that feels natural as we grow closer to God and understand that He is the Perfect Father who affords His children the opportunity to strengthen our wings of faith with opportunities that require instinct. Our Father's hope for us is driven by His desire for us to instinctively leap off the edge of our nest and soar with wings fully developed and strong in the faith that we have acquired with each and every solo flight. The deep satisfaction of freedom's flight will only be enjoyed as we grow in our Faith (a powerful impulse that feels natural). Oh how our Father wishes for His children to soar.

Help us Abba to fully enjoy Freedom's Flight.

A Constant State of Prayer

"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him." Hebrews 11:6 (NCV)

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15 (NIV)

Before we left Washington I sensed that God was prepping me for what was to come. I remember praying about the decision that we had made to go to Romania as I drove to and from class (Olympia to Tacoma - Tacoma to Olympia). I recall hearing God instruct my spirit to; "Pray like you have never prayed before." I sensed in my heart that God's invitation to Romania was going to be an amazing challenge that could only be accepted standing side by side with Jesus. The invitation read:

"Come, and join me in my work in Romania. ( Join = to become linked or united.) My work is a work in progress. I am fully aware of all that has happened and all that will happen. I am simply asking you to link up with Me, the sovereign God, and follow my lead. I can tell you now that this assignment will require a deepening of your faith and a call to a constant state of prayer. Are you up for it? I am with you, don't be afraid. I will keep you, guide you, and provide all that you will need. Do you trust me? Will you follow me? Come…and join me."

The invitation has become my game plan. The challenge to deepen my faith and the call to a constant state of prayer has been put into practice from the moment I stepped off the plane. Eastern Europe is like nothing I have ever experienced before, yet I have peace and confirmation that God has called me here. The duties of our assignment…we would prefer to be different, but for the health and the future of the church, God has given us a strength that is not ours and a peace that moves us forward. He continues to provide for us, to calm us, and to constantly speak to us. Oh what a companion we have. The most faithful, perfect companion anyone could ever hope for. Oh how I love my Savior. Oh how I bask in the warmth of His presence. Read the following with your hearts open and your minds attentive to the instruction of your Savior:

"Just go step by step. My will shall be revealed as you go. You will never cease to be thankful for this time when you felt at peace and trustful, and yet had no human security. When human support or material help of any kind is removed, then My power can become operative. I cannot teach a man to walk who is trusting to a crutch. Away with your crutch, and My power shall so invigorate you that you shall indeed walk on to victory. Never limit My power. It is limitless." God Calling - February 4th devotion

Abba keep me from limiting the One who is limitless.

How is your heart beep?

The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual. - April 29th - God Calling AJ Russell

To conquer adverse circumstances, conquer yourselves. - May 2nd - God Calling AJ Russell

Disharmony - lack of agreement - in music or sounds, resulting in unpleasant sound combinations (Encarta).

Olivia leaned in and placed her plastic pink stethoscope on my chest and asked, "Is your heart beeping?" "I think so." I replied. "That's good." she responded.

The past few weeks we have experienced some disharmony, some adverse circumstances. I think the book God calling was written sometime in the 1930's, by two anonymous "listeners". This book has been my devotional source for the past year. Now, with that in mind, as we have experienced the circumstances that we have these past few weeks, I am in awe of how God provides answers for and clarity to my current situation by using something that was written 70 plus years ago. He has used this book to speak so profoundly to my heart that each day I am so very curious to find out what He has to say next. This past week, He did it again.

I have been praying and thinking a lot about what we are experiencing. I "process" things by dissecting what might be happening below the surface. On Tuesday April 29th I read, "The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual." (God Calling). I looked up the definition for disharmony and the following picture came to mind; Image yourself attending the premiere of a spectacular new musical in New York City. You splurge and you "do it up brown" (one of my father-in-law's famous quotes - it means "go all out"). You are to die for…looking fabulous. You nestle into your velvet red theatre seat that is ornately decorated when the lights begin to dim and you hear the tapping of the director's wand on the metal music stand…tap, tap, tap. You take a deep breath, close your eyes and prepare yourself for the music that is about to caress your senses. What happens next causes you to cover your ears in sheer agony. The sound that rings in your ears is so unpleasant that you run out of the auditorium simply to escape it.

One of the definition for disharmony is referring to music or sounds that result in an unpleasant sound combination. Now, when we think of disharmony in the sense of life's difficulties, do we first think about what sound combination might be happening in our own hearts that could be causing a lack of balance or conflict? Is it possible that the scene that I described above might just be the sound that flows from our hearts? I am not talking about who is to blame or who has instigated something, I am wanting us to think about what is happening within us. How is our heart beep? Is it healthy? Is it strong? Is it wounded? Has a bitter root begun to grow? What is going on in us? What kind of music flows from your heart? Is it a piece that brings comfort and joy to those around you or is it the result of an unpleasant sound combination? Believe it or not our hearts naturally produce some kind of music. And those whom we encounter day in and day out hear something. Life's difficulties can be conquered by an examination of what is happening within our hearts that is causing us to feel disharmony, conflict, or a lack of balance. How do we conquer these difficulties? By placing all situations, all circumstances in the faithful hands of God, our Heavenly Father. We struggle when we cannot make sense of things or when we can’t fix things for ourselves or others. Disharmony in our hearts occurs when we begin to doubt, fear, and question the sovereignty of God. Are you O.K. with that? Our doubts, anxieties, and fears create a mindset of uncertainty in God's power and His Amazing Grace. The antidote for a mindset of uncertainty is administered through the exercise of faith in God - Placing all of our eggs in God's basket that is limitless in power and overflows with His Amazing Grace. God is the Only One that we can bank on without fear of loss. May God give us the courage to examine the condition of our hearts.

When difficulties come, when adverse circumstances challenge you, STOP and examine your heart beep. What is causing the disharmony in your heart? What effects your heart will always effects your thought process and the condition of your spirit. How is your heart beep?

By His Stripes

I am in a state of numbness. My spirit is quiet, my body is still - I sit in silence. All that I hear is the ticking of the clock. It is 10:40 on a Saturday night - tomorrow is Easter Sunday (April 27th). My spirit has been heavy, numb, and quiet all day. I watched The Passion of the Christ last night, amazed that I sat and watched the severe flogging that my Christ endured - His skin ripped by shards of glass or metal pieces. Scripture tells us that by his stripes we are healed. In the movie He accepts the stripes upon His body with amazing strength and willingness. The anguish He experienced in Gethsemane could have been from His sovereign understanding of the immense pain that we would soon suffer - the stripes upon His Divine being in human flesh, enduring the fullness of it all. I simply cannot wrap my mind around this - It's too much sometimes. Oh the humility of the Divine Savior! He allowed His own creation to spit, mock, slap, beat, and ultimately kill Him. Oh the love of my Lord! My eyes are closed and my mind is slow.

Later that week...Mark 15:33-34 says, "At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" In the Easter message it was mentioned that Jesus died two deaths - a spiritual death and a physical death. It was explained that while Jesus hung on the cross (as described in Mark 15:33-34 - "At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land") from the sixth hour until the ninth hour, He bore the sin of mankind. The physical torture and the mental, emotional, and spiritual torment of the rejection of His creation, Christ endured. The sheer ugliness of sin, Christ accepted. Then at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" You see, the Father had to turn away from His blessed son - why? - Because Jesus was completely consumed by sin. And God, in His Holiness cannot be near sin - sin will always keep us from experiencing the fullness of God's presence. Jesus' physical death took place when He cried out again in a loud voice, "It is finished", and he gave up his spirit (Mark 27:50; Matthew 19:30). Ironically, I had always wondered what Jesus meant when he said, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" Jesus' body literally bore the open wounds of sin - for a visual of what sin looks like, think about the image of Jesus on the cross in The Passion of the Christ. Sin will always keep us from enjoying God's Holy presence. Sin rips through our flesh and it bruises our hearts. Unacknowledged sin infects the health of our souls and it poisons our minds. We too, must endure death - death of self. Self will always push itself to the top making it the priority of our lives. Selfish ambitions and a self-centered focus will always keep us from enjoying the fullness of God's presence - the warmth and the peace that radiates from His Holiness. Oh what a Savior we have! His stripes have clearly marked the pathway to the healing presence of our heavenly Father. Thank you Jesus for enduring the fullness of our sin and for healing - healing that has comes to us through the stripes that you so willingly accepted for all mankind. Praise your Holy name!