A Letter of Thanks

Abba,
Where do I begin? What a year! I want to reflect on your grace and tell you what I am thankful for. I must begin with your amazing love. Your love is unconditional yet you are a just father who wants the best for your child. Your love transcends all things. Your love is a beautiful description of your most precious being. The characteristics of your love (patience, kindness, peace, goodness, gentleness, forgiveness) truly paints a picture of the essence of who you are. I thank you for showering me with your love - I Thank you for your love for me.

Thank you for your patience and persistence. This year you have patiently and persistently brought me through times of difficulty. When I continued asking why, what, when, how much longer…your patient and persistent love held me. You patiently reminded me over and over of your unfailing love for me. Thank you for your patience and persistence.

Thank you for my continuing ed. courses. You are the ultimate teacher - The best there is. And you have consistently taught me through experiences and situations that you are the sovereign God of all creation and that you have me in the palm of your hand. You continue to tell me that you have a plan for my life and that you will not fail me. Your gentle, teaching spirit continues to tell me that what you are teaching me will only bring me to a greater understanding of your most amazing being. You have used my relationships to teach me and to break me. But, as you know I am a slow learner. I continue in my stubbornness to not listen or learn. And in those moments of failure, your gentle voice reassures me that you will not give up on me and that you will continue to help me in my pursuit of you. Abba, Thank You for not giving up on me…Thank you for your persistent love for me.

Thank you for spending time with me. You know, when I sit still to talk with you and to leave heavy burdens at your feet, you give me your undivided attention. You listen and you respond. I treasure my time alone with you. It amazes me that you, The God of the universe, YOU, want to sit and be with me. It amazes me that you chose me…that you have a plan to use me in the furthering of your kingdom. What a privilege and an honor. Thank you for faithfully spending time with me. You are never too busy…you are always available – Your door is always open.

I thank you for the peace that I have for the future. I have discovered that the more I trust, believe and place my faith in you the more peace fills my soul. There is nothing in this world that compares to the peace and security that is found in you and you alone. Thank you for using difficult times, questions, heavy burdens, times of uncertainty to drive me closer to you. Through these experiences I have discovered that when I trust you, when I believe in your word, and when I put my faith in you all else fades away and what remains, is your peace. Please don’t stop stripping me of all doubt and uncertainty. I thank you for taking me deeper in my understanding of you and what it means to truly trust, believe and put all of my faith in the sovereign God of all. Thank you for the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Abba you are worthy of all that I am. You are my everything and I treasure you.

My Abba, I love you…

Strange Things are Happening

Imagine yourself riding in a car when from the seat directly behind you, you hear your 3 year old daughter singing a song in Romanian with perfect accent and you don't have a clue what she is saying. When you ask her what the song says, she replies, "I don't know tell me." And you say, "I don't know either." Olivia is phonetically repeating what she is hearing. She doesn't know the meaning of what is being said. The other day when we came home from school she was singing another song in English, but she sang it with a Romanian English accent. We deducted that it was an English song that her teacher had been singing to the children in her Romanian English accent. The accent went away when she stopped singing that particular song. It is fascinating to observe Olivia's language acquisition. She doesn't seem to struggle with a brain drain issue! We have almost completed one month of study and we praise God for the progress we have experienced thus far. He is faithful and He will see us through.

Surprise!

We were just trucking along minding our own business when as we were about to pass a large truck on our right, a young lady dressed in black began to dart across the street from the front of the truck. I will not forget the look on her face, and how her long black hair was blown back away from her face by the wind. When she saw us she quickly stopped and stepped back and Scott hit the breaks. Our hearts were pounding as I am sure hers was also. As we rode on down the street Scott said, "Lord please keep me from killing someone." I kept thinking about her youth, her beauty, her life. I thanked God for His protection. The traffic in Bucharest is very challenging. It is aggressive and most of the time anything goes. Please pray for God to protect us as we drive. May He, in His grace, keep us alert and wise as we drive.

The Woody Factor

One of Olivia's favorite movies is Toy Story. The other day as we were watching it for the billionth time, God chose to use Woody the toy cowboy to help me make sense of something I had been experiencing.
At the beginning of the movie Woody's life is perfectly in control. Life is predictable. Woody has been Andy's favorite toy since the first grade. Life in Andy's room is perfect. Then, for his birthday, Andy receives a Buzz Lightyear (a new toy), and before Woody knows it strange things begin to happen to his perfectly predictable life. Andy begins to play with Buzz more and more. Andy even changes his bedspread and all of the posters in his room from cowboy stuff to spacemen stuff. The life Woody once knew had changed overnight. He had been demoted from Andy's bed to the toy box. Well, all of this change really began to get to Woody. He went from a happy, in control cowboy to a frustrated, grouchy somewhat out of control (things were definitely out of his control) cowboy. Woody's behavior was the example God chose to show me that I had something in common with the toy cowboy. Woody was displaying some characteristics that I found myself doing. Characteristics like; impatience which quickly lent to a display of some serious grouchiness, which was then accompanied with frequent fault finding of my two family members and the entire country of Romania. I think that Woody and I were trying to gain some kind of control over our current situation. Strange and new things were happening. The other toys were enjoying Buzz and his strong leadership qualities and Woody began to realize that things were not the same and he now wondered about his significance, his abilities, his place. Well, I am definitely not in the same predictable place where I once sensed a level of control. I, like Woody, am having to find my way back to a place of comfort and predictability. So many things in my life are truly unknown to me and I am grasping for some level of control to help provide some stability. God chose to show me through the life of a toy cowboy that a sense of out of control-ness is a part of the natural process of the experience of change. But - you know what? Realistically there is so much in our lives that truly is out of our control. We crave predictability, stability, and even complacency. However, A.W. Tozer writes, "Complacency (which means to be self-satisfied, which is usually unreflective) kills spiritual growth (p. 17. The Pursuit of God). We must guard ourselves against too much predictability, too much self-satisfaction. Because it is during the times when our lives are out of control that we tend to crave God's presence and provision. We call to Him earnestly from the depths of our souls. We cry deeply from the bottom of our hearts. And it is in these moments when we receive the peace that surpasses all understanding that we sit and savor our God's faithfulness. In moments when I have begun to feel the discomfort of anxiety, I have found that my immediate reaction has been to close my eyes and pray - seeking God's direction and peace. And wouldn't you know, God is honoring my prayers with His peace and assurance. Is my world still out of control - YES! Are we continuing to get ripped off by venders who realize we don't understand what they are charging us? YES! Have I been spared the experience of the process of change? No! That means that I am still the impatient fault finding grouch Queen at times, but I am more aware of what is happening and in those moments I can cry out to God, I can call Him earnestly from the depths of my soul knowing that in just a moment I can then sit and savor my Lords most precious peace. Therefore - don't be afraid of those out of control experiences. Know that you can cry, call and sit in the presence of your most Amazing God and soak Him into your spirit, enabling opportunity for spiritual growth to take place. The process of spiritual growth provides a more intimate walk with God the creator of all things. What a privilege to be His child!

A New Language

As I listened to our language tutor pray in Romanian, I felt a little overwhelmed at the thought of starting over. On our first day of language study the same question entered my mind more than once - "Why are we learning a third language? - We already speak Spanish." But in those moments, the peace of God was more powerful than Satan's attempts to get me to turn down the road of discouragement. God's message for me has been very clear - "Obey my leading and I will provide all that you need to fulfill my work." When my response to His message has been "O.K. Abba, I am going to take you up on that offer to direct and to provide, and I am going to lean on you big-time because I cannot do this in my own strength or in my old age." I heard Him say in reply, "Finally - your getting it! I can handle your dependence." We have a long way to go but we are not in this alone and we are here to follow God's lead and trust Him for what we need to accomplish His work; and of course that includes speaking Romanian.

"What do you want from me Abba?"

I slumped down into my chair in a huff and cried out like a child, “What do you want from me Abba?” Without hesitation I clearly heard His reply, “Holiness Cindy - Self-denial.” “Oh, that’s all!” I thought.
Holiness, righteousness – these two words describe the goal we Christians have set for ourselves. But what does living a holy life really mean? What does it mean to be clothed in righteousness? To be called righteous? The two terms tend to turn people off. Why - because it involves “self-denial”. Self-denial is probably the most avoided subject in the life of a Christian. It goes against what is humanly natural – Self. Matthew 16:24 says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” These are the steps:
1. Deny self
2. Take up your cross &
3. Follow Christ
Now, with that in mind, how many are ready to self-deny, pick up their cross and follow Christ wherever He might lead? Any takers?? Why do we cringe at the thought of denying what we want, taking up the cross of Christ and doing whatever Christ asks us to do? Is it because we don’t want to give up what we want? Has anyone ever tried to literally pick up a wooden cross place in on their shoulder, splinters and all, and carry it willingly up a narrow, steep road? Do we not want to follow Christ because we are afraid of the unknown?
I am going to say yes to the first question, I don’t want to give up what I want in exchange for complete self-denial in service to Christ and to others. “That would be really hard to do Abba. I am a spoiled brat that doesn’t want to give up what I want” (that is what my brothers always told me). After 40 years on this earth am I still acting like a child and wanting my way? Ouch, that hurt. The truth usually does inflict pain. Question number two - I literally have not carried a splinter-filled cross up a narrow, steep road. That would also be very difficult to do. I might break a nail or get a splinter - Don’t think I want to do that. And question number three, am I afraid of the unknown? Yep, pretty much! Even though I say that I trust God and love him with all of my heart? Ouch, yet more truthful pain. This is why Holiness, self-denial is so very hard. It involves letting go of the controls and entrusting all that we are to God. Only through these acts can holiness and righteousness be accomplished in our lives.

The first step is admitting that we are selfish and that we need the help of the Holy Spirit to enable us to overcome the power of self and become more prone to deny what we want and serve God and others with our whole hearts. This step is a long process, yet God will be faithful to those of his children who are truly serious about denying self and become true servants of his.
The second step is to understand that life is not about what is most convenient, most comfortable, what requires less hassle, but rather to understand that life is all about Christ and being willing to take up His cross, His cause for the salvation of others. Just because we have received God’s grace and mercy doesn’t signify that the work is complete…just sit back and enjoy God’s blessings - Far from it. Christ’s life shows us that He came to work and work hard at teaching, loving and restoring the broken, the ignorant, the blind. Jesus gave up his throne in heaven and came to earth not to sit back and enjoy his own blessings, but to serve His cause - the salvation of His creation. If Jesus came to earth for this reason, how much more should we strive to fully grasp the reality that life is about Him and that we are to willingly take up the cross of Christ with enthusiasm and determination.

The third step involves entrusting all to God. Giving Him the unknown. Knowing, believing, that He is fully aware of the unknown. This step involves self- denial; doing as God wishes for us and not what we wish for ourselves. It involves willingness to go wherever God might ask us to go, and doing whatever God might ask us to do. It might involve loving the “unlovable” – those the world has deemed unlovable. It might involve moving to another country, and learning a new language and culture (like Romania). It will involve forgiving those who have wronged you and moving on in love and mercy. Following Christ involves doing what is far from the norm. We are to be different; to be merciful, selfless, humble, loving, caring, kind, patient, etc. Followers of Christ must be doers of His word – living examples of His word every moment of our lives.

“What do you want from me Abba?” “Cindy, my precious child, first of all I want you to deny yourself and serve me wholeheartedly. Secondly, I want you to be willing to pick up the cross and walk the narrow, steep road. And thirdly, I want you to follow my son Jesus. I am not giving you an impossible mission. What I am giving you is the answer to true freedom. Cling to me and what I want for you, because what I want to give you is what is best for you. Listen to my instruction, and I will lead you beside still waters and restore your soul. You will experience peace beyond all measure and you will be found faithful to my laws and decrees. This is what I define as holy and righteous. Follow me and I will take you places you cannot begin to imagine. I will reward your soul and refresh your spirit. Trust me - my love for you is pure and true.” I sat quietly and took in the moment I found myself in; sitting still before my most amazing God. Then I responded to him saying, “Abba, I want to learn to deny self, take up my cross and follow my Jesus. Help me my precious Lord. Help me to do it for your glory and purpose.” He replied, “I will my child, I will.”

The Experience of Being Vulnerable

It was still dark at 6:15am. The air was cool and damp. We stepped off the bus and joined the small circle, listening into the conversation. We didn't speak either language (Romanian or Bulgarian). We waited for our friend Cristi to translate for us. He found a taxi driver that would take us to the bus station so we could then take another bus to Sofia (a city in Bulgaria). Scott had tried to get some Bulgarian currency so we could pay for our bus tickets (they don't take credit cards), but the ATM we found on the quiet street that morning was not working. The taxi driver told Cristi that he knew of a "non-stop" (open 24 hours) exchange house that he could take us to. This idea really didn't sit well with me. As we put our bags into the trunk of the car, I asked God to protect us. As we were driving around the dark, quiet streets I simply continued to pray, "God protect us." The driver parked the car on the street corner and he and Scott got out of the car heading to the "non-stop" exchange house. Scott spotted an ATM machine on the corner where the driver had parked the car. He boldly told the driver that he was going to try the ATM machine first - Success - it worked - Praise God! He got what we needed and got back into the car. The bus station was just a short trip from the ATM. We found the bus, boarded it, and thanked God for His protection and provision.

For the past month we have experienced the uncomfortable feeling of being vulnerable to total strangers. God has been so faithful to remind me that He is fully aware of those "strangers" and that, "The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name." - Psalm 91:14 (NLT). I don't know about you, but I want to simply take Him at His word and believe that He is going to rescue me and protect me as I love Him and trust in His name. After all isn't that what a loving Father does - His primary focus being the well-being of his child? As Christians our loving heavenly Father wants to do just that and so much more. Let's try harder to believe in His perfect love for us - to rest in His knowledge of all things.

A side note - Think about the location of the ATM machine being on the exact corner in which the taxi driver had parked the taxi. Think about my uneasiness about the "non-stop" exchange house, and think about the ATM working and providing the money we needed to get to Sofia. Conclusion: God is in all things - God knows all things - God provides all things - God is worthy of our trust.

Preparation

Two weeks before we left for Romania Scott and I attended a missions strategy course at Nazarene Theological Seminary in Kansas City. The home we stayed in was an older home with beautiful wood floors that creaked. The washer and dryer were located in an unfinished basement. The bathroom was small and we had to work around each other in order to get ready in the mornings, and we had a gas stove to get used to (we have always had electric). All of these characteristics were very different from the 2 year old house we had just sold in Washington. Whenever I got Olivia to sleep I would do my best to not creak so much as I exited her room. I really didn’t like the idea of going down to the basement to do laundry – I used to watch a lot of Cold Case Files on A&E. Many times on the show the murder victim was found in an unfinished basement! Can you follow my train of thought as I would make my way down the narrow cement stairs, place my hand on the door knob and hear it squeak as I would peer into the basement to see if the coast was clear? The gas stove made me nervous – something about a gas leak, and matches. There was a discount store near the house that we went to for groceries. The prices were very low, but the selection was a bit limited. When we were checking out we discovered that we had to purchase the sacks for our groceries and then sack them ourselves. This was a first for us.
We finished our two weeks and we were off to Romania. As we have settled into our home we have noticed some similarities. Our new home is an older home with beautiful hardwood floors that creak. The bathroom upstairs is one that requires working around one another. We have a gas stove to work with – one of the burners really has a quick flame response that makes me nervous. YES, there is a basement and YES, that is where the washer and dryer are located. And guess what? We have a discount store 5 minutes from our house where the prices are low, the selection is limited, and you have to purchase the sacks that you will use to sack your groceries. The last few weeks we were home I remember praying for God to prepare the way for us – To prepare us for what was to come. How amazing the detail of His preparation.

Cemetary

Magda’s mom was hit by a car as she was preparing to cross the street – she later died of her injuries. As the family was making funeral arrangements, they discovered that they had to find a cemetery that would allow Magna’s mom to be buried. In Romania when someone dies they are buried in the cemetery that is “owned” by the religion they were affiliated with. Magda’s mom had not attended the Orthodox Church in years. She had been a faithful attendee of the Church of the Nazarene in Sighisoara (a small town 5 hours north of Bucharest). The family ultimately had to pay “back tithes” to the Orthodox Church in order to have a place to bury their mom. Our church leaders who live in Sighisoara are looking into purchasing land for a cemetery for the members of the Church of the Nazarene. We praise God for the work of Dorothy and Roberta.

Monica

Monica took Scott and I on a tour of the downtown area of Bucharest where the revolution took place from December 17th through the 31st of 1989. Monica was 21 years old in December 1989. She was involved in her country’s march for freedom. She was shot at by “terrorist” near the office building of the communist party where she and many others hid near an orthodox church for hours. She wrote a letter requesting freedom to the dictator Ceausescu – she doubts he ever got the letter. One dark night as she and a friend were walking down the street late at night a door opened and she and her friend were handed copies of the first edition of the liberation newspaper literally hot off the press! – The papers were still warm as they handed them out. Monica is a year younger than I am and since that tour I have thought many times about what I was doing December 17th – 31st of 1989. Words escape me – I cannot begin to relate with her experience. What I can relate with is her love for Christ and His cleansing touch upon her life – as He too has cleansed my life. I look forward to deepening my relationship with Monica. God’s Spirit dwells in our hearts, and it is He who makes us instant family. I praise Him for this new friendship.

IKEA - The play area

Olivia spotted the play area right away. She ran over to it and said, “I want to play Mommy!” She was so excited. We worked through the language issue with the young lady who spoke a little English. Olivia eagerly slipped off her shoes, said goodbye (kinda) and away she went. There is a big glass wall to watch the children play. We stood and watched her for a moment and then headed up the escalator. When I could no longer see her, I got anxious and tears began to fill my eyes. Scott said, “Are we nuts for just dropping her off?” I thought to myself, “If I can’t drop her off at the IKEA play area I am in trouble.” We were able to check on her about 20 minutes later. And wouldn’t you know it; she was fine - having a great time! I only hope that Scott and I will have such excitement as we begin learning the Romanian language and culture.

The "Block"

When we enter the “block” (that is what Romanians call the rows of apartment buildings that were built during the communist years) it was obvious that the building was run down, neglected. The elevator that we waited for could only fit four people. There was a regular looking metal door that was opened and then inside there was another door. When I stepped into the elevator it dropped a few inches, which alarmed me at first. Pastor Cristi followed us into the elevator closing the outer metal door then the smaller inner door. He pushed the number 4 and away we went. Pastor Cristi and his wife Monica had invited us to their apartment for some Ciorba (typical soup) and fellowship. As we entered the apartment we were greeted by Monica and their two children Cris and Lisa. The small entry way into the apartment is where everyone takes off their shoes. I was unprepared for this custom and wore a pair of shoes without socks. I felt very funny in my bare feet. Monica asked me if I would like to wear a pair of Lisa’s house shoes, I said “sure”…they were too big and when I walked I had to drag my feet so that they wouldn’t fall off. Needless to say I sat a lot of the time. We had a great time getting to know our new friends. I anticipate many more dinners and times of fellowship – the next time I am invited to someone’s home I will be wearing socks!

Our First Few Weeks

On Tuesday morning I woke up overwhelmed, I sat on the bed and cried. All I could do was whisper the name of Jesus. I began replaying my past experiences with these feelings and I realized that I was grieving over where I had just come from – the familiar and the predictable - I was at the edge of myself. To be at the edge of myself is exactly where God wants me to be. As I sat on the edge of my bed God’s presence surrounded me and His peace gently cleared away the fog of fear that had surrounded me. He reassured me that He had brought me to this place for His purpose and glory and that He will provide ALL that I will need – He told me that He is ever present, to find rest in Him alone.
The next day in my quiet time God spoke to me through the following:
“When you are told to seek first the Kingdom of God, the first step is to secure that your will is for that Kingdom - A single eye to God’s glory - Desiring nothing less than that His Kingdom come - Seeking in all things the advance of His Kingdom.”
God Calling by AJ Russell
It was enough for me!

Buna Ziua

I will be posting articles from my perspective about our journey in Romania