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The sun shines brightly most days in Lubbock Texas. We are surrounded by the warmth of the love of our family and friends, and we are led by God's peace. We have settled into a new home, new jobs, and a new pre-school. Olivia is loving the constant availability of her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I praise God for the year that I have had - I know more of God's great love and purpose for me. I thank God for your prayers. May God continue blessing you and yours as you serve the God of Glory!

A dark place...

"Man is so made that he can carry the weight of twenty-four hours, no more. Directly he weighs down with the years behind, and the days ahead, his back breaks. I have promised to help you with the burden of today only, the past I have taken from you and if you, foolish hearts, choose to gather again that burden and bear it, then, indeed, you mock Me to expect Me to share it." God Calling - May 29th

I have been in a dark place lately - not sure how I got here. I have been here before. I have tried to retrace my steps with the desire to not return to this place. I really don't like it here. It is a cold, damp, dark place - when I am in this place, my mind goes numb and I cannot seem to move myself out of this state. It is as if my mind freezes or becomes paralyzed for a time. I see myself looking up at the light as I sit on a damp, cold, dirt floor. I cry out, "Abba help me. Abba hold me. Abba sit with me here in this place and speak to my soul. Draw me to you ever so deeply. Protect me my Abba Father." I sense His presence in this place, He sits with me and He holds my hand. I hear Him say, "I will sit with you. I have a purpose for this - do you trust me here in the dark?" "I am trying to Abba, help me." I reply. It is so dark and cold - I can't see where to go - I don't know what to do. So... I sit, I wait, I cling to Him in silence. My mind is thick, my eyelids are heavy…

Perhaps I have subconsciously gathered the burden of the years behind, and the days ahead. Perhaps I am weighed down by my choice to bear the burden of the years behind and the days ahead. I think Jesus is calling me to live in the present. The promise that he has made to me is to help me with the burden of today only. I don't live in that promise from my Lord - I foolishly gather again and again the burden of the years behind and the days ahead and I bear it on my back - my back breaks by the weight of it all. Perhaps it is the weight upon my soul that pushes me down into the cold, damp, dark place. In this place my Spirit is vulnerable and weak. I know that God is with me now and that He is carrying me yet again out of the dark. I believe that this experience is a part of life on this earth. I do believe that there are things of the past and the future that we choose to bear that mocks what Christ did for us on the cross. But, I also know that life on this earth can be tough and as we pass through the valleys and climb up to the mountain tops we learn more about who we are and who God is. I find rest in the amazing grace of my Savior as I sit and wait...

A Simple Gesture

I walked into the small store and bought a bottle of water. On my way out I saw a young girl waiting for her coffee to exit the coffee machine. I reached out and patted her shoulder and smiled at her and went on my way. I climbed into the van and as I was shifting into gear the young lady passed by the van, turned, smiled and waved at me. I returned the wave and the smile. It warmed my heart. She said something that I couldn't hear, and then she turned around and walked over to the van. I rolled the window down and she began talking to me. I didn't get much of what she said. I told her that I only speak a little Romanian. She smiled. I touched her shoulder and wished her a good day. She wished me the same. As she walked away she turned once more and we exchanged smiles and waves again. I prayed for her as I drove home. Maybe I will see her again. Until then I will continue to pray for her. God knows her name. He knows where she lives and what she needs. I close my eyes and I see her precious little face. "Be with her Abba, comfort her I pray."

"Hello, can't you see me?"

I stopped by my favorite pastry shop for a few hot pretzels and an apple strudel. I was patiently waiting in line when to my right a woman and her husband came up and stood right next to me hedging their way to the side of the window. You see, for some reason some folks have a difficult time waiting their turn. Many times if you aren't paying attention someone will go right up to the side of the window and stick their head in and place their order. It amazes me! It is as if they don't see that there are people patiently waiting their turn. Well today, I knew what she was preparing to do. I have seen this maneuver many times and I have fallen prey to it as I wasn't standing close enough to the person in front of me (the physical closeness is rather uncomfortable for this North American). The folks in front of me completed their order and as they moved away she began to move in for the kill. I however, stepped right in front of her and I placed my order. My heart was pounding, and because of the adrenaline rush I think I ordered "Doi covergi fara sara" (2 pretzels without country) instead of "Doi covergi fara sare" (2 pretzels without salt). One letter makes a BIG difference. Anyway, what is ironic about this experience is that I had just had a conversation with myself (do you do that?) about trying to show something different with those I encounter. I will be honest and say that this type of disregard is a very difficult thing for me to just let happen (obviously!). I find it amazingly rude and I want to shout, "Hello…can't you see me standing here waiting my turn? Are you that much more important than the rest of the human race?" And, I will admit that this type of disregard doesn't endear me to the culture. I find it more difficult to experience warm fuzzies for folks who can't seem to act in a respectful way. God has been speaking to me about being vulnerable, about opening myself up to Himself and to others. I responded in a defensive way with the woman. I felt like I was on the basketball court again blocking out my opponent, trying to prevent her from scoring on me. I am learning that I need God's Holy presence in my life every second of every day. When left to myself, I don't show something different. I am realizing more and more that all of my encounters must be accompanied by the Holy Spirit - that I must be in constant communication with the One who is prefect and who wishes to work through me to show something different. I struggle daily with my human reactions. These reactions come so quickly and they are so natural. But, I know that God has more for me. I know that He can see me and that He is the only one who can transform me fully. I pray that step by step God will continue helping me realize that He is available 24/7. That by His power and grace something different can be shown - All for His glory and purpose.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability = is the susceptibility (an individual who is at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent) to physical or emotional injury or attack. It also means to have one's guard down, open to censure or criticism; assailable (to attack somebody vigorously with words or actions - to overwhelm the mind or senses of somebody) - (definitions taken from Wikipedia).

The challenge of vulnerability was introduced to me a few weeks ago at a marriage retreat. Jeff, one of our retreat speakers, spoke about being vulnerable to our partner. This was a new concept for me. To me the understanding of vulnerability is vastly different from my previous ideas of submission, humility, and unconditional service. I struggle with submission, humility and unconditional service. The thought of being susceptible to attack or letting my guard down is really not a concept that I want to think much about. But as I listened to what Jeff was saying, I heard God say, "Be vulnerable to me first and then I will help you understand to beauty of being vulnerable to others." WOW! what a thought - "The beauty of vulnerability." I love to define words, a deeper understanding of the word's meaning has always been helpful. The words vulnerability, susceptibility, infectious agents, criticism, etc. really don't fill me with a desire to let my guard down. These words create the opposite effect in me - "Get those shields up and be prepared to defend!" Unfortunately, these words do accurately describe what God's creation does to one another. This type of interaction must break His heart. But, I think God has another idea. When I think about being vulnerable to God I am not afraid because time and time again God has revealed to me just how much He loves me and that all that He has planned is for the good. Even though the process has been painful and challenging, I am so thankful that He, the God of all, longs to have a deep and profound relationship with me. Let's think about the word susceptible - it is defined as an individual being at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent. If we think about this concept in light of our relationship with God what might we see? God is all about love - God is love. So, as His child I am taking the risk of becoming infected or exposed to the infectious agent of God's love!? Interesting thought. If I become infected by the infectious agent of, oh let's say, the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - Galatians 5) will I suffer or be harmed in any way by these infectious agents? Just sit with that one for awhile...think and pray over that one.

Let's think about the word attack. Typically it has a negative meaning right? However, it can also mean working with enthusiasm, determination and vigor. Let's return to the image of God and His perfect being. There is no evil in Him, He is pure and Holy. He is love and all things good. What if we were to drop our shields and open our hearts fully, vulnerably to the One and Only who is perfect and who wants to give good gifts to His children. What would happen if we allowed the Holy Spirit to attack our entire being enthusiastically, with determination and vigor, allowing the Spirit to overwhelm our minds and our senses? What if…What would happen? Instead of becoming physically or mentally ill by the attack, we would be healed - We would not be harmed, but healed and made whole by His precious touch. Oh…just take a minute and let this concept of vulnerability soak into your mind and into your spirit. Try this, assume the position of the cross. Lie on the floor with your arms stretched out and your feet together. Close your eyes and think about the concepts I just mentioned above - being susceptible to the infectious agent of God's love, being vulnerable to an enthusiastic, determined, and vigorous attack by the Holy Spirit of God that overwhelms your mind and spirit, pleading for Him to enter into the abyss of your soul with His Holy light that heals and transforms. Praying for God to make it so in your life. Only the Holy Spirit can help us become fully vulnerable to His touch. Let's start the process today. May God touch us so profoundly that we can do nothing but lie before Him in a state of vulnerability - Entrusting fully to His care our past, present, and future - Entrusting fully into His hands our relationships and our lives. He, is the One and Only who can handle such vulnerability. He, is the One and Only who can lead us to the beauty of being vulnerable to others as we serve Him.

May God receive all the glory.

Freedom's Flight

Imagine yourself the last to be hatched, perched at the edge of the family nest, contemplating your first flight. Your wings feel quite small and your feathers are few. You begin to wonder how in the world you will fly with these small wings and few feathers. Instinctively, you leap off the nest and you soar (kind of) flapping your wings as hard as you can. You land with a bounce into a soft pile of leaves. You pop to your feet dusting yourself off and you think, "Not too bad for my first flight. Now, how will I get back to the nest?" As you begin your way back to the nest you get a better feel for your wings as you make short hops back home. Time passes, your falls to the ground become more controlled, and the duration of your flights to and from the nest begin to lengthen - your wings grow stronger with each flight. All the while, your parents watch from a distance as you grow stronger with each flight. They have been available to guide and encourage you as you began your journey, but they have afforded you the freedom to exercise your wings and to strengthen your confidence in your innate abilities to fly skillfully. Their hope for you is driven by their desire to watch you succeed on your own as you leap off the edge of the nest and soar with your wings fully developed and strong and with the knowledge that you have acquired with every solo flight. Now you are able to enjoy the deep satisfaction that comes from freedom's flight.

Animals are amazing. God placed within them an instinct that guides them at all times. Humans are amazing. God gave us a brain that enables us to think, process, contemplate. Most of the time our minds override our instinct to just act or respond. We think, process, contemplate, then we act. The picture that I painted above would be a really cool thing to experience. Imagine being able to leap out of the nest instinctively - without a thought - without a second of hesitation. To jump knowing that something inside you tells you that all is well, and that this experience will teach you how to soar. A bird was created to soar. It is something it really wants to do. Instinctively it leaps in order to soar. Do you think that God ever intended for us to soar, instinctively? Does He desire for us to respond to Him instinctively - without a thought, without hesitation? Oh, you bet your boots He does! Easier said than done? You bet your boots! Why? Does it have anything to do with the "free will thing"? You know the reality that it is our choice to leap and soar instinctively or to perch ourselves at the edge of the nest and swing our feet back and forth contemplating what it would be like to actually fly - to take flight and sail on the wind. You have your wings, feathers, and you are mechanically built to fly - but instead you sit and you think, process, contemplate all of the things that could go wrong. You worry about what might happen to you and if the experience will be uncomfortable. Instinct can also be called faith. What would your life be like if you instinctively leapt when God gave you the opportunity to soar with your wings of faith? I fear that we have missed more opportunities to soar than we realize - held back by the power of fear and doubt. Faith must become instinctive in the life of a Christian if we desire to soar - to be free of the limitation that we place on ourselves and the limitations that we foolishly place on God. Instinct = a powerful impulse that feels natural rather than reasoned (Encarta Dictionary). Faith must become a powerful impulse that feels natural as we grow closer to God and understand that He is the Perfect Father who affords His children the opportunity to strengthen our wings of faith with opportunities that require instinct. Our Father's hope for us is driven by His desire for us to instinctively leap off the edge of our nest and soar with wings fully developed and strong in the faith that we have acquired with each and every solo flight. The deep satisfaction of freedom's flight will only be enjoyed as we grow in our Faith (a powerful impulse that feels natural). Oh how our Father wishes for His children to soar.

Help us Abba to fully enjoy Freedom's Flight.

A Constant State of Prayer

"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him." Hebrews 11:6 (NCV)

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:15 (NIV)

Before we left Washington I sensed that God was prepping me for what was to come. I remember praying about the decision that we had made to go to Romania as I drove to and from class (Olympia to Tacoma - Tacoma to Olympia). I recall hearing God instruct my spirit to; "Pray like you have never prayed before." I sensed in my heart that God's invitation to Romania was going to be an amazing challenge that could only be accepted standing side by side with Jesus. The invitation read:

"Come, and join me in my work in Romania. ( Join = to become linked or united.) My work is a work in progress. I am fully aware of all that has happened and all that will happen. I am simply asking you to link up with Me, the sovereign God, and follow my lead. I can tell you now that this assignment will require a deepening of your faith and a call to a constant state of prayer. Are you up for it? I am with you, don't be afraid. I will keep you, guide you, and provide all that you will need. Do you trust me? Will you follow me? Come…and join me."

The invitation has become my game plan. The challenge to deepen my faith and the call to a constant state of prayer has been put into practice from the moment I stepped off the plane. Eastern Europe is like nothing I have ever experienced before, yet I have peace and confirmation that God has called me here. The duties of our assignment…we would prefer to be different, but for the health and the future of the church, God has given us a strength that is not ours and a peace that moves us forward. He continues to provide for us, to calm us, and to constantly speak to us. Oh what a companion we have. The most faithful, perfect companion anyone could ever hope for. Oh how I love my Savior. Oh how I bask in the warmth of His presence. Read the following with your hearts open and your minds attentive to the instruction of your Savior:

"Just go step by step. My will shall be revealed as you go. You will never cease to be thankful for this time when you felt at peace and trustful, and yet had no human security. When human support or material help of any kind is removed, then My power can become operative. I cannot teach a man to walk who is trusting to a crutch. Away with your crutch, and My power shall so invigorate you that you shall indeed walk on to victory. Never limit My power. It is limitless." God Calling - February 4th devotion

Abba keep me from limiting the One who is limitless.

How is your heart beep?

The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual. - April 29th - God Calling AJ Russell

To conquer adverse circumstances, conquer yourselves. - May 2nd - God Calling AJ Russell

Disharmony - lack of agreement - in music or sounds, resulting in unpleasant sound combinations (Encarta).

Olivia leaned in and placed her plastic pink stethoscope on my chest and asked, "Is your heart beeping?" "I think so." I replied. "That's good." she responded.

The past few weeks we have experienced some disharmony, some adverse circumstances. I think the book God calling was written sometime in the 1930's, by two anonymous "listeners". This book has been my devotional source for the past year. Now, with that in mind, as we have experienced the circumstances that we have these past few weeks, I am in awe of how God provides answers for and clarity to my current situation by using something that was written 70 plus years ago. He has used this book to speak so profoundly to my heart that each day I am so very curious to find out what He has to say next. This past week, He did it again.

I have been praying and thinking a lot about what we are experiencing. I "process" things by dissecting what might be happening below the surface. On Tuesday April 29th I read, "The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual." (God Calling). I looked up the definition for disharmony and the following picture came to mind; Image yourself attending the premiere of a spectacular new musical in New York City. You splurge and you "do it up brown" (one of my father-in-law's famous quotes - it means "go all out"). You are to die for…looking fabulous. You nestle into your velvet red theatre seat that is ornately decorated when the lights begin to dim and you hear the tapping of the director's wand on the metal music stand…tap, tap, tap. You take a deep breath, close your eyes and prepare yourself for the music that is about to caress your senses. What happens next causes you to cover your ears in sheer agony. The sound that rings in your ears is so unpleasant that you run out of the auditorium simply to escape it.

One of the definition for disharmony is referring to music or sounds that result in an unpleasant sound combination. Now, when we think of disharmony in the sense of life's difficulties, do we first think about what sound combination might be happening in our own hearts that could be causing a lack of balance or conflict? Is it possible that the scene that I described above might just be the sound that flows from our hearts? I am not talking about who is to blame or who has instigated something, I am wanting us to think about what is happening within us. How is our heart beep? Is it healthy? Is it strong? Is it wounded? Has a bitter root begun to grow? What is going on in us? What kind of music flows from your heart? Is it a piece that brings comfort and joy to those around you or is it the result of an unpleasant sound combination? Believe it or not our hearts naturally produce some kind of music. And those whom we encounter day in and day out hear something. Life's difficulties can be conquered by an examination of what is happening within our hearts that is causing us to feel disharmony, conflict, or a lack of balance. How do we conquer these difficulties? By placing all situations, all circumstances in the faithful hands of God, our Heavenly Father. We struggle when we cannot make sense of things or when we can’t fix things for ourselves or others. Disharmony in our hearts occurs when we begin to doubt, fear, and question the sovereignty of God. Are you O.K. with that? Our doubts, anxieties, and fears create a mindset of uncertainty in God's power and His Amazing Grace. The antidote for a mindset of uncertainty is administered through the exercise of faith in God - Placing all of our eggs in God's basket that is limitless in power and overflows with His Amazing Grace. God is the Only One that we can bank on without fear of loss. May God give us the courage to examine the condition of our hearts.

When difficulties come, when adverse circumstances challenge you, STOP and examine your heart beep. What is causing the disharmony in your heart? What effects your heart will always effects your thought process and the condition of your spirit. How is your heart beep?

By His Stripes

I am in a state of numbness. My spirit is quiet, my body is still - I sit in silence. All that I hear is the ticking of the clock. It is 10:40 on a Saturday night - tomorrow is Easter Sunday (April 27th). My spirit has been heavy, numb, and quiet all day. I watched The Passion of the Christ last night, amazed that I sat and watched the severe flogging that my Christ endured - His skin ripped by shards of glass or metal pieces. Scripture tells us that by his stripes we are healed. In the movie He accepts the stripes upon His body with amazing strength and willingness. The anguish He experienced in Gethsemane could have been from His sovereign understanding of the immense pain that we would soon suffer - the stripes upon His Divine being in human flesh, enduring the fullness of it all. I simply cannot wrap my mind around this - It's too much sometimes. Oh the humility of the Divine Savior! He allowed His own creation to spit, mock, slap, beat, and ultimately kill Him. Oh the love of my Lord! My eyes are closed and my mind is slow.

Later that week...Mark 15:33-34 says, "At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" In the Easter message it was mentioned that Jesus died two deaths - a spiritual death and a physical death. It was explained that while Jesus hung on the cross (as described in Mark 15:33-34 - "At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land") from the sixth hour until the ninth hour, He bore the sin of mankind. The physical torture and the mental, emotional, and spiritual torment of the rejection of His creation, Christ endured. The sheer ugliness of sin, Christ accepted. Then at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" You see, the Father had to turn away from His blessed son - why? - Because Jesus was completely consumed by sin. And God, in His Holiness cannot be near sin - sin will always keep us from experiencing the fullness of God's presence. Jesus' physical death took place when He cried out again in a loud voice, "It is finished", and he gave up his spirit (Mark 27:50; Matthew 19:30). Ironically, I had always wondered what Jesus meant when he said, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" Jesus' body literally bore the open wounds of sin - for a visual of what sin looks like, think about the image of Jesus on the cross in The Passion of the Christ. Sin will always keep us from enjoying God's Holy presence. Sin rips through our flesh and it bruises our hearts. Unacknowledged sin infects the health of our souls and it poisons our minds. We too, must endure death - death of self. Self will always push itself to the top making it the priority of our lives. Selfish ambitions and a self-centered focus will always keep us from enjoying the fullness of God's presence - the warmth and the peace that radiates from His Holiness. Oh what a Savior we have! His stripes have clearly marked the pathway to the healing presence of our heavenly Father. Thank you Jesus for enduring the fullness of our sin and for healing - healing that has comes to us through the stripes that you so willingly accepted for all mankind. Praise your Holy name!

Jesus' Heart

Her eyes were closed, her head rested on the back of the swing, and her soft brown hair danced in the breeze around her precious face as she swung on the old wooden swing and sang a song that went something like this; "You give me your heart and I will give you mine. If you serve me I will serve you." then her eyes opened and she said, "Mommy, Jesus wants to give you his heart. Do you want his heart Mama?"

I had never thought about Jesus wanting to give me His heart. I had always thought about me surrendering my heart to Him. What does an exchange of hearts mean? What does it really look like? Olivia has sung that made up song before, but she had not spoken about Jesus wanting to give me His heart. Think about it - do you believe that is exactly what He wants to do? To exchange hearts? He has fully opened His Divine Self up to anyone who will believe in Him. What would it feel like, what would it be like, to exchange hearts with Jesus? What an amazing thought that the God of the universe wants to exchange hearts with you and me. Our relationship with Him is truly reciprocal (an exchange of gifts, love, service, devotion, etc.). How often do you think about how much Jesus wants for us to take His heart and live in His love - To bask it the warmth and security of such love? We are too consumed with the pursuit of perfection that we overlook the fact that Jesus craves our stillness before Him. That His heart's desire is for our striving to cease and peace be found in the acceptance of His gift of grace. The story of Jesus is a love story. My relationship with Jesus is it's own love story. He is the only one who fully gets me and still loves me. He knows how I process life and why I process it the way that I do. He knows about ever step that I have ever taken, every word that I have ever spoken, every hurt that I have ever experienced. Jesus ' love for me is unconditional. He waits patiently for me to come to Him. He understands how much of Him I am aware of and what I lack in knowing Him. He is a gentleman who courts my spirit with His love. He longs to provide my every need. He waits for my call. He is the suitor of my soul. Now... if I can only be that with Him.

Testing 1,2,3

After the week we have had, I am reminded of an experience that I had when we first arrived.

Our First Few Weeks

On Tuesday morning I woke up overwhelmed, I sat on the bed and cried. All I could do was whisper the name of Jesus. I began replaying my past experiences with these feelings and I realized that I was grieving over where I had just come from – the familiar and the predictable - I was at the edge of myself. To be at the edge of myself is exactly where God wants me to be. As I sat on the edge of my bed God’s presence surrounded me and His peace gently cleared away the fog of fear that had surrounded me. He reassured me that He had brought me to this place for His purpose and glory and that He will provide ALL that I will need – He told me that He is ever present, to find rest in Him alone.

The next day in my quiet time God spoke to me through the following:

“When you are told to seek first the Kingdom of God, the first step is to secure that your will is for that Kingdom - A single eye to God’s glory - Desiring nothing less than that His Kingdom come - Seeking in all things the advance of His Kingdom.” God Calling by AJ Russell

So much can distract us as we attempt to grow in faith. The quote above provides such clarity. When I realize that it is God's Kingdom that I seek, and that I am to have my focus on God's glory and purpose for the advancement of His kingdom, circumstances become more clear. My faith in God is tested when opposition is in my face and when I can't see what is coming or how things are going to turn out. All that I know is that I have been given a task. Wanting to comply, I must place the end result in God's hands, trusting that He is the one in control. And of course this is where the rubber meets the road and where my faith is tested. Oh how I want to pass this test! I will only pass the test if I choose to believe completely in God's grace, mercy and sovereignty. Help me Abba in my unbelief…

Prayer Request

Seeking FIRST God's Kingdom - Securing our first step, narrowing our focus for God's glory, desiring nothing less than His Kingdom come, and seeking in all things the advancement of His Kingdom in Romania. May God grant us like minds. May He heal hearts and cast out all fear. May His perfect and pleasing will be done in the lives of all Romanians.

The Narrow Door

"Strive to enter through the narrow door, for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able." Luke 13:24

Narrow = limited in scope and size; narrow down, to focus, to reduce, to limit, to get thinner.
Strive = to try hard, to fight in opposition, to compete resolutely to something, to go all-out.
Stuff = personal possessions, qualities, specialty, talents.

I sit, and I wonder about this narrow door. What does it look like? Is it ornate or simple? Is it hidden or easily found? Does it have to be unlocked with a key or can someone just turn the knob and open the door? Why is it so narrow? Why are we encouraged to strive to enter through the narrow door? What is on the other side? Why do so many find it but are unable to enter? What keeps them from entering?

Imagine yourself as an explorer off to find a lost treasure somewhere in the world. Your backpack is loaded with all of the latest gadgets. You are geared up with the latest high tech sportswear. As you set out in search of this rare treasure, you are ready to conquer anything that comes your way. A year later, you are closer to finding the treasure that you seek. The past year has been filled with amazing discoveries, some dangerous situations, and moments of doubt and uncertainty accompanied with a desire to turn back and head home - without the treasure. One day, you discover an ancient map that reveals the exact location of the treasure you so desperately seek. You forge ahead and finally find it. What lies before you now is the long awaited narrow door. As you begin to enter the passage way you realize that your backpack will not fit through the narrow opening. You decide that the treasure is worth leaving all of your "stuff" behind. You look back one last time, wondering if you will regret this decision. You wonder if you will be able to make it without your stuff, but your desire to discover the treasure pushes you onward towards what lies on the other side. Finally, you reach the opening. As you exit the passage way you find yourself in the presence of the Most High. You immediately fall to your knees in wonder. The light from His being is warm and bright. His Peace fills the air. You have entered into God's presence with nothing but the clothes on your back. All of your stuff has been left behind and you realize that being in His presence was all that you have ever needed.

Perhaps the narrow door represents what has to take place in our hearts, minds and souls before we can fully enter into His presence - fully receiving His power and Spirit. We must narrow down, focus, reduce, and limit our "stuff". Our talents, qualities, personal possessions keep us from total dependence on God. Our stuff can prevent us from entering the narrow door into the Kingdom of God. All that our Father wants for us to possess as we come to Him is faith like a child - faith in our Father who is perfect. Many people choose to put their faith, their security in their stuff. Of their own choosing many will not enter the narrow door. The road that leads to the shedding of self-sufficiency is where most turn back and return to the comforts of home. While, this choice might seem easier, in the long run it will imprison their hearts and seal their eternal fate. Only by God's Holy Spirit can we come to a place of understanding that as His children we must strive to enter the narrow opening - shedding off the excess weight/stuff that would ultimately lead to our undoing.

It all boils down to Faith (trusting in someone especially without logical proof - Encarta Dictionary) - Faith in God and the furthering of His Kingdom.

The Blessing

"I lay My loving Hands on you in blessing. Wait in love and longing to feel their tender pressure and, as you wait, courage and hope will flow into your being, irradiating (to make something brighter by shining light onto it) all your lives with the warm sun of My Presence." God Calling - by A.J. Russell - April 6

Blessing = the infusion (the act of installing a quality into a person) of something with holiness, with divine will (Wikipedia).

Bow your head and hear the voice of God; "I lay My loving Hands on you in blessing. Wait in love and longing to feel their tender pressure upon you. And as you wait, feel the warmth of My Son's presence saturate you with His hope and courage. Be still My child and experience the tender pressure of My loving hands and the invigorating warmth of my presence as I bless you, as I infuse My holiness and My divine will into your spirit."

Have you ever wanted to "feel" the tender pressure of God's presence? I was touched deeply when I read the introductory sentence, "I lay My loving Hands on you in blessing." I imagined a throne room and God as King, dressed in regal attire reaching out to lay His loving Hands upon my head and bless me as I knelt before Him, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. This is an incredible image, but what created a desire to rise up within me was the next sentence; "Wait in love and longing to feel their (The fingers of God) tender pressure". Is it possible to physically feel the tender pressure of God's touch? Sit with that a minute. Is it possible to physically feel the tender pressure of God's fingers on you as He blesses you? A definition for blessing is; the infusion of God's holiness, and His divine will. Infusion is defined as the act of installing a quality into a person - the quality of holiness and divine will. Is the process of the blessing one that requires a longing for the feeling of the tender pressure of His hands? The processes of infusing or installing does require some time. This experience could be compared to the restoration of a building or the installing of a new computer program. Both examples require time. The laying on of God's hands begins the act of installing holiness into us and the waiting for God's blessing creates a longing to feel the tender pressure of His Fatherly touch. What is God calling us to? Is He revealing the secret to unleashing His blessing upon His children? As His children must we understand the significance of God's blessing and then must we seek after it - longing to feel the tender pressure upon our lives as we live to serve the One and only true God? Can we ask God to lay His loving Hands on others in blessing - wishing for them the same experience of a profound touch by God? I plan to continue this conversation with God - believing that He wants to reveal the secret of unleashing His blessing upon the lives of ALL of His children.

Abba help us to understand what you want to reveal. Amen.

Turn it up a notch

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you" (Matthew 17:20 NIV).

Faith and obedience will remove mountains, mountains of evil, mountains of difficulty. But they (FAITH AND OBEDIENCE) must go hand in hand. God Calling – March 28

What mountains loom before you? How intense is the storm raging around you? Do you feel helpless and alone? "Lift your eyes unto the hills for that is where your help comes from, your help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." (casting crowns - Lifesong)

What an experience it would be to say to a mountain of evil, “Move it! You are blocking my path to Jesus!” and instantly that mountain would be removed and Jesus would be standing on the other side in all His glory – so bright, so pure, so perfect. Can you imagine that?

Why would Jesus begin his sentence with, “I tell you the truth,” if the remainder of His sentence wasn’t factual? Does He really mean what He said in Matthew 17:20? The next part of the sentence is the kicker…”if you have faith the size of a mustard seed,” there’s that word again…if. In order for the rest of the sentence to actually be experienced that small two letter word means everything. “If you have this you can do this.” If represents conditions – it is conditional in that something is required in order to receive the “impossible”. Oh…how I want to turn up my level of faith a notch. How about you? In Mark chapter 9 Jesus heals a demon possessed boy. The boy’s father says to Jesus, (v. 22) “if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” 23 “If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” 24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Jesus repeats back to the boy’s father his own statement in third person in the form of a question “if you can?”. I can hear Jesus saying within that repeated question, “You really don’t know who I am, do you? I am the I AM. I am the maker of heaven and earth. I possess all power and grace. If I can? Son, I can do anything!! But first, I require that you believe.”

At this very moment in your life where are you in your level of faith/belief/trust in God? Obedience will naturally follow an intense faith in the One who is all things, at all times, for all people. I do believe that FAITH AND OBEDIENCE hand in hand truly can move any mountain that blocks your path to Jesus. I believe that FAITH AND OBEDIENCE to the Maker of heaven and earth will calm any storm. Lift your eyes unto the hills child of God, for your help comes from the One who created you.

Abba, turn up our faith a notch we pray in Jesus' name – Amen.

A rare moment - Mommy and her baby girl.

Below the surface

What lies deep down inside the recesses of our hearts, our minds, our souls? Oswald Chambers writes (referencing Psalm 139), "The psalmist implies - " But, my God my soul has horizons further away than those early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature." I love the reference to the horizons of our souls, but it was the reference to the "greater depths than any sea in nature" that has drawn me in. The image of an abyss (a chasm or gorge so deep that its extent is not visible) entered my mind. There are depths in the sea that are not visible, and caverns in the earth that are so deep that they are not reachable. Our souls have deep, dark places - depths that are greater than any sea. As I continue to process this amazing truth, I find myself begging God to enter into the deep, dark depths of my soul. It is in the deep, dark abyss of our souls that our true nature is found. Over the course of our lives our experiences have shaped the way in which we process life - our experiences have influenced our concept of God and His character. Our relationships have created patterns that color the way we see life and how we interact with one other. Only God knows what lies in the darkness. Only by His light of truth and grace can we be healed and freed of the things of life that tie us up and blind us. I find amazing stillness in my spirit when I ask God to enter into the deep, dark places of my soul. I see His holy light of truth exposing things unseen - His holy light bringing new life - His holy light leading and guiding - His holy light healing the deep cuts of life that influence our daily lives. We will remain wounded children of the King if we don't allow Him to enter into our darkness. It is by His Holy light, light that contains all things good and pure, that we may live this life on earth in victory and in the joy that comes from total surrender to the One who is limitless - total dependence upon the One who can handle what He will find in the deep, dark places of our souls.

Abba, please enter the deep recesses of my soul with your light of truth and grace.

The Jesus Movie

Olivia has been wanting to see a movie about Jesus. Great! I love the idea, but the only movie that I have is The Passion - a little too heavy for my 4 year old (a little to heavy for me). One day on the way home from daycare Olivia kept asking me if she could see my "adult" movie about Jesus. And I said, "Livy it is an adult movie. You are too short to watch it." Finally I told her the real reason. "O.K. Livy do you want to know why I can't let you watch that movie?" She said, "Yes!" "Well, what happens in the movie is that Jesus dies. He is treated very badly by Roman soldiers." "Is there blood?" "Yes baby, a lot." "Well He just needs to go to the hospital." "Well unfortunately they didn't have hospitals when Jesus lived on earth." Well they should have given him a shot." "Good thinking…but they didn't have doctors to help give shots." "Does He die?" "Yes baby He does. But you know what happens after three days have passed?" "What Mama?" "Livy, He comes back to life! Isn't that amazing!" "Yes Mama!"

One day after that conversation, she told me that she wanted to put on some "college lipstick" (a.k.a. for grown-up lipstick) and watch my adult movie about Jesus - she is persistent. She always wants to see the picture of Jesus that is on the DVD. One day I said, "Isn't He beautiful!" and now every time she sees the DVD she says, "Isn't He beautiful!" I love hearing my daughter speak of Jesus this way. We talk a lot about our hearts. When someone is mean or does things that are bad we say, "His/her heart is sad." When Olivia obeys or says things that makes us feel her love for us we tell her, "Oh Livy that makes my heart feel so good - Oh my heart is so happy!" We talk about Jesus living in our hearts. Lately she has said out of the blue, "Mommy I love Jesus!" "Oh baby that is wonderful! He loves you too very much." "He lives in my heart. Do you love Him Mommy?" "Oh yes Livy I love Him very much." I live for these conversations. I love that I got to tell my baby about how much Jesus loves her and about His sacrifice for us all. Oh how I pray she will choose to follow Jesus all the days of her life - But not just follow Him, but love Him and know of His love for her. Oh may it be so in her most precious life. What a privilege it is to be her Mommy.

Caught in the act

I was washing dishes and Olivia came in to ask me for my help with something. I told her after I finished cleaning the kitchen I would come and help her. Without a word from me I caught her out of the corner of my eye putting things away - helping me finish cleaning the kitchen. As she was putting the orange juice carton away she asked me, "Is this o.k. Mommy?" I grinned a grin of sheer delight and said, "Livy that is perfect." Oh boy was my heart warmed when I had caught her in the act of service. Oh how I pray that this act will become a behavior that she will perfect as she grows up.

30 minutes

I walked into the little kitchen at Olivia's daycare and I heard the girls in the room next to the kitchen say with excitement "Tortul" (the cake). As I worked to put the cake, juice, and small treats on the table one of the little cuties came up to me and started speaking to me and all I could do was smile and shake my head back and forth with a look of confusion - I got nothing. I finally said, "La revedere" (goodbye) and headed out the door. On our way home I stopped at the small pastry shop that makes great pretzels and apple strudel. The pretzels are best when they have just come out of the wood burning oven. As I stepped up to the little window the smell of fresh baked pastries caressed my senses and teased my empty stomach. I was greeted by a nice young lady. I then said in Romanian, " Cinci covrigi şi un strudel cu mere va rog" (5 pretzels and an apple strudel please). She cut a small strand of twine from the spool and began threading the twine with my pretzels. She then said, "Cu sare?" (with salt) and I said, "da doi cu sare." (yes 2 with salt). She packed up my yummy apple strudel and handed it to me saying, " Cinci lei" (5 lei - Romanian currency). I handed her a 5 lei bill and then said, "Mulţumesc!" She smiled and said, "Cu plecere" (your welcome). I got in the van and said with great joy, "I did it! I spoke Romanian!" Scott smiled as I recited my experience. It is interesting to have had two distinctly different experiences all within the time frame of 30 minutes. From complete confusion to completing a simple transaction - Such is the life when you live in a completely new context.

Flying Solo

That's right I just completed my first solo mission in Bucharest. Scott went to see some property that the church owns outside of Bucharest. So today, I was on my own to get Olivia to her grădiniţa (daycare) and to go grocery shopping. With great success I made my way to Olivia's grădiniţa and dropped her off for a day full of fun (a birthday party and dance class all provided by her grădiniţa). And then onto the Bucharest Mall where I had a nice quiet morning planned - an early lunch at Starbucks, that's right we have a Starbucks Praise the Lord, and then I leisurely made my way to G Market, that's right the grocery store is IN the mall where I made a genuine effort to speak Romanian, not just point to things. When I finished grocery shopping (which was also my first time solo) I thought to myself, "independence here I come!!"

I remember going through this same experience in Costa Rica, then in Guatemala, and now yet again I work through my anxieties of a place that is unfamiliar to me. It is truly a strange thing to go from confidence to such vulnerability. I suppose the vulnerability is a great way God can, if we allow Him to, impact our lives with His deep desire to have us all to Himself. It is an opportunity to trust completely in His grace, power, mercy, love. Yesterday on our way home from school Olivia and I were talking about obedience. We have been working hard on obedience. Olivia will listen and then she will process what she has heard verbally. With her hands raised high and in a very matter-of-fact tone she said, "Just obedience Mom - just obedience!" Just as Scott and I have been diligently teaching Olivia about obedience and the consequences of disobedience, God has used my exasperation with the process to catch my attention. He too is a parent, He is our heavenly Father. And He too works diligently to teach His children about obedience and the consequences of disobedience. He whispered into my spirit, "Just obedience my child, just obedience." Life goes much smoother when we obey than when we rebel and fight God's attempts to lead us in paths of righteousness for His namesake. My experience today has refreshed me as I hear my Abba Father telling me, "As you have obeyed me by going to Romania, I will give you all that you need to fulfill my plans for your life. Cindy, life is much richer when you obey."

"Oh Abba help me to not resist your leading. Help me to surrender all things to You who are matchless - You who are limitless. Amen."

Limitless

Imagine this: You are sitting across from your Abba Father (you choose the setting). He takes your hands and as He looks into your eyes the love that He has for you rocks you to the very core of your soul. Then He says, "My child, never limit my power. It is limitless." His hand now nestled along your chin and your spirit is fully at rest in His amazing presence. He continues saying -

"Just go step by step. My will shall be revealed as you go. You will never cease to be thankful for this time when you felt at peace and trustful, and yet had no human security. When human support or material help of any kind is removed, then My power can become operative. I cannot teach a man to walk who is trusting to a crutch. Away with your crutch, and My power shall so invigorate you that you shall indeed walk on to victory. Never limit My power. It is limitless."

God Calling - February 4th devotion

Let's pray -

Our Father who is limitless hollow Your name today. Bring your Kingdom to pass around the world - From every city, town, and nation call Your children to a place of total dependence upon You whose power is limitless. Oh forgive us of our unbelief, of our ignorance, of our sin. Help us oh Glorious God to rid ourselves of the crutch that keeps us from walking in victory. Lead us to a deeper faith in You who possess power that is limitless. Work profoundly in the lives that surround us. Cover all that we do by Your grace and love. Whatever it takes Abba I ask that You bring us to the place of complete surrender to You. Deliver us from the lies of the enemy so that Your truth shines so brightly for all to see and know. Glorify Your Holy name and fulfill Your purpose today. We give You all the praise - For Only You are worthy! In the powerful and glorious name of Christ I pray - Amen.

Live in His limitless power today. May His richest blessings be yours.

Trust

His spirit was heavy. His life has changed drastically in just a few months. He continues to hold on as he waits for the Lord to help him find a job and a place to live for his family. Many people in our church are experiencing trials. The enemy is turning up the heat. I find myself in a state of constant prayer - lifting up the faces that come to mind - doing my best to pray believing, not hoping or wondering if God will provide, but believing that He is working and that His plan will be fulfilled. It is the waiting that gets you every time. The waiting experience is where the rubber meets the road and your level of faith in God is tested. God continues to challenge my prayer journey of faith with Matthew 21:22 - "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Our level of faith in God is truly being tested and I hope deepened. The Christian life is all about discovering God's provision and purpose not our own. May His purpose be served and His glory shine in Romania!!

Consecration and a contrite heart

"Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5 (NIV)

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

Consecration - What does it mean? Does Psalm 51:17 describe consecration? A broken and contrite heart represents a grieving of sin - a conviction of sin that is so intense it causes transformation because the heart is drawing nearer and nearer to the glory of God. Sin cannot come near Him - the One who is pure, holy, and righteous. Sin separates us from God. In the old testament the act of consecration was performed through sacrifice. Psalm 51:17 states "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart". Does this mean that to consecrate myself I have to allow God to break my spirit and convict my heart in order for the Lord to do amazing things among us? Maybe. I want the Lord to do amazing things among us. What is God trying to teach me through this journey of faith? - Consecration, sacrifice, brokenness, conviction of sin, etc. How serious am I about God's purpose being served in my life and the lives of others? Serious enough to allow God to break my spirit and consecrate me for His amazing work?

Help us Abba to be serious about You and your work.