Leaving
We have decided to leave our current assignment in Romania due to my bout with depression. Let’s call it what it is shall we. Peace is released when truth is spoken and when we make ourselves vulnerable to God’s healing touch. Confusion continues to rack my mind, my days continue to be filled with foggy thoughts and overwhelming emotions. Why am I experiencing this ~ I haven’t a clue. This was not part of my plan for ministry in Romania. My plan was long-term, becoming a “career” missionary. Scott has always said, “Life happens while your making plans.” The plans that always seem to gather in my mind are my plans, not really considering what God might have in store, what God’s plan for the future entails. God’s plans are usually not my first choice, even though we have sought after Him and followed His lead to the best of our understanding. In that understanding now I sit and wonder why depression has to be a part of my current path? I wouldn’t have picked depression as part of His plan if I knew it was coming - Would you? I would never have guessed or even thought that I would be experiencing this deep dark place, yet here I am sitting smack dab in the middle of it, paralyzed by it. I believe that God has a purpose for it and that in the near future He will make it all clear, continuing in His faithfulness to draw me closer, deeper still to His scarred side. In the meantime I will do my best to let go of the plans that I had and place them at His feet, releasing all to Him, and just resting for now in the shadow of His wings. Romania continues to be on His radar screen, He knows full well what His plans are for her. I have learned that I am susceptible to the human condition. I have learned that my emotions can overwhelm me much of the time and that ultimately God is my refuge and strength no matter what kind of storm I endure.
We will be returning home, to the familiar, we will be returning to family and friends. As Alison Krauss sings, “Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand, but I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand”. Until next time, May God’s grace tend to your every need as He has tended to mine ~ He is forever faithful ~
