A Simple Gesture

I walked into the small store and bought a bottle of water. On my way out I saw a young girl waiting for her coffee to exit the coffee machine. I reached out and patted her shoulder and smiled at her and went on my way. I climbed into the van and as I was shifting into gear the young lady passed by the van, turned, smiled and waved at me. I returned the wave and the smile. It warmed my heart. She said something that I couldn't hear, and then she turned around and walked over to the van. I rolled the window down and she began talking to me. I didn't get much of what she said. I told her that I only speak a little Romanian. She smiled. I touched her shoulder and wished her a good day. She wished me the same. As she walked away she turned once more and we exchanged smiles and waves again. I prayed for her as I drove home. Maybe I will see her again. Until then I will continue to pray for her. God knows her name. He knows where she lives and what she needs. I close my eyes and I see her precious little face. "Be with her Abba, comfort her I pray."

"Hello, can't you see me?"

I stopped by my favorite pastry shop for a few hot pretzels and an apple strudel. I was patiently waiting in line when to my right a woman and her husband came up and stood right next to me hedging their way to the side of the window. You see, for some reason some folks have a difficult time waiting their turn. Many times if you aren't paying attention someone will go right up to the side of the window and stick their head in and place their order. It amazes me! It is as if they don't see that there are people patiently waiting their turn. Well today, I knew what she was preparing to do. I have seen this maneuver many times and I have fallen prey to it as I wasn't standing close enough to the person in front of me (the physical closeness is rather uncomfortable for this North American). The folks in front of me completed their order and as they moved away she began to move in for the kill. I however, stepped right in front of her and I placed my order. My heart was pounding, and because of the adrenaline rush I think I ordered "Doi covergi fara sara" (2 pretzels without country) instead of "Doi covergi fara sare" (2 pretzels without salt). One letter makes a BIG difference. Anyway, what is ironic about this experience is that I had just had a conversation with myself (do you do that?) about trying to show something different with those I encounter. I will be honest and say that this type of disregard is a very difficult thing for me to just let happen (obviously!). I find it amazingly rude and I want to shout, "Hello…can't you see me standing here waiting my turn? Are you that much more important than the rest of the human race?" And, I will admit that this type of disregard doesn't endear me to the culture. I find it more difficult to experience warm fuzzies for folks who can't seem to act in a respectful way. God has been speaking to me about being vulnerable, about opening myself up to Himself and to others. I responded in a defensive way with the woman. I felt like I was on the basketball court again blocking out my opponent, trying to prevent her from scoring on me. I am learning that I need God's Holy presence in my life every second of every day. When left to myself, I don't show something different. I am realizing more and more that all of my encounters must be accompanied by the Holy Spirit - that I must be in constant communication with the One who is prefect and who wishes to work through me to show something different. I struggle daily with my human reactions. These reactions come so quickly and they are so natural. But, I know that God has more for me. I know that He can see me and that He is the only one who can transform me fully. I pray that step by step God will continue helping me realize that He is available 24/7. That by His power and grace something different can be shown - All for His glory and purpose.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability = is the susceptibility (an individual who is at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent) to physical or emotional injury or attack. It also means to have one's guard down, open to censure or criticism; assailable (to attack somebody vigorously with words or actions - to overwhelm the mind or senses of somebody) - (definitions taken from Wikipedia).

The challenge of vulnerability was introduced to me a few weeks ago at a marriage retreat. Jeff, one of our retreat speakers, spoke about being vulnerable to our partner. This was a new concept for me. To me the understanding of vulnerability is vastly different from my previous ideas of submission, humility, and unconditional service. I struggle with submission, humility and unconditional service. The thought of being susceptible to attack or letting my guard down is really not a concept that I want to think much about. But as I listened to what Jeff was saying, I heard God say, "Be vulnerable to me first and then I will help you understand to beauty of being vulnerable to others." WOW! what a thought - "The beauty of vulnerability." I love to define words, a deeper understanding of the word's meaning has always been helpful. The words vulnerability, susceptibility, infectious agents, criticism, etc. really don't fill me with a desire to let my guard down. These words create the opposite effect in me - "Get those shields up and be prepared to defend!" Unfortunately, these words do accurately describe what God's creation does to one another. This type of interaction must break His heart. But, I think God has another idea. When I think about being vulnerable to God I am not afraid because time and time again God has revealed to me just how much He loves me and that all that He has planned is for the good. Even though the process has been painful and challenging, I am so thankful that He, the God of all, longs to have a deep and profound relationship with me. Let's think about the word susceptible - it is defined as an individual being at risk of becoming infected or exposed to an infectious agent. If we think about this concept in light of our relationship with God what might we see? God is all about love - God is love. So, as His child I am taking the risk of becoming infected or exposed to the infectious agent of God's love!? Interesting thought. If I become infected by the infectious agent of, oh let's say, the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control - Galatians 5) will I suffer or be harmed in any way by these infectious agents? Just sit with that one for awhile...think and pray over that one.

Let's think about the word attack. Typically it has a negative meaning right? However, it can also mean working with enthusiasm, determination and vigor. Let's return to the image of God and His perfect being. There is no evil in Him, He is pure and Holy. He is love and all things good. What if we were to drop our shields and open our hearts fully, vulnerably to the One and Only who is perfect and who wants to give good gifts to His children. What would happen if we allowed the Holy Spirit to attack our entire being enthusiastically, with determination and vigor, allowing the Spirit to overwhelm our minds and our senses? What if…What would happen? Instead of becoming physically or mentally ill by the attack, we would be healed - We would not be harmed, but healed and made whole by His precious touch. Oh…just take a minute and let this concept of vulnerability soak into your mind and into your spirit. Try this, assume the position of the cross. Lie on the floor with your arms stretched out and your feet together. Close your eyes and think about the concepts I just mentioned above - being susceptible to the infectious agent of God's love, being vulnerable to an enthusiastic, determined, and vigorous attack by the Holy Spirit of God that overwhelms your mind and spirit, pleading for Him to enter into the abyss of your soul with His Holy light that heals and transforms. Praying for God to make it so in your life. Only the Holy Spirit can help us become fully vulnerable to His touch. Let's start the process today. May God touch us so profoundly that we can do nothing but lie before Him in a state of vulnerability - Entrusting fully to His care our past, present, and future - Entrusting fully into His hands our relationships and our lives. He, is the One and Only who can handle such vulnerability. He, is the One and Only who can lead us to the beauty of being vulnerable to others as we serve Him.

May God receive all the glory.