A dark place...

"Man is so made that he can carry the weight of twenty-four hours, no more. Directly he weighs down with the years behind, and the days ahead, his back breaks. I have promised to help you with the burden of today only, the past I have taken from you and if you, foolish hearts, choose to gather again that burden and bear it, then, indeed, you mock Me to expect Me to share it." God Calling - May 29th

I have been in a dark place lately - not sure how I got here. I have been here before. I have tried to retrace my steps with the desire to not return to this place. I really don't like it here. It is a cold, damp, dark place - when I am in this place, my mind goes numb and I cannot seem to move myself out of this state. It is as if my mind freezes or becomes paralyzed for a time. I see myself looking up at the light as I sit on a damp, cold, dirt floor. I cry out, "Abba help me. Abba hold me. Abba sit with me here in this place and speak to my soul. Draw me to you ever so deeply. Protect me my Abba Father." I sense His presence in this place, He sits with me and He holds my hand. I hear Him say, "I will sit with you. I have a purpose for this - do you trust me here in the dark?" "I am trying to Abba, help me." I reply. It is so dark and cold - I can't see where to go - I don't know what to do. So... I sit, I wait, I cling to Him in silence. My mind is thick, my eyelids are heavy…

Perhaps I have subconsciously gathered the burden of the years behind, and the days ahead. Perhaps I am weighed down by my choice to bear the burden of the years behind and the days ahead. I think Jesus is calling me to live in the present. The promise that he has made to me is to help me with the burden of today only. I don't live in that promise from my Lord - I foolishly gather again and again the burden of the years behind and the days ahead and I bear it on my back - my back breaks by the weight of it all. Perhaps it is the weight upon my soul that pushes me down into the cold, damp, dark place. In this place my Spirit is vulnerable and weak. I know that God is with me now and that He is carrying me yet again out of the dark. I believe that this experience is a part of life on this earth. I do believe that there are things of the past and the future that we choose to bear that mocks what Christ did for us on the cross. But, I also know that life on this earth can be tough and as we pass through the valleys and climb up to the mountain tops we learn more about who we are and who God is. I find rest in the amazing grace of my Savior as I sit and wait...